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[17 Dec 2008|02:49pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I'm going to make most of my blogs on here private now.

No one reads this blog anymore, anyway.

I mostly for me, to feel better, to let off some aggression, whatever.

For me.

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[09 Mar 2008|11:59pm]
[ mood | restless ]

I haven't written in this forever.
...A lot has changed.

I'm not with tc anymore.
We don't even talk.
It's been about....5 months.
And it's nice.

I'm with this guy Nick now.
He's 23 and from Fenton.
We've been seeing each other for quite awhile.
I love him more than anything.
And he's so good for me.

Emmalie and I aren't friends anymore.
But we're on somewhat talking terms now.
But just barely.

Christine and I hate eachother.
I wish to never speak to her again.

I don't really hang out with anyone.

Just Nick and I.

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[28 Jun 2007|11:29pm]
[ mood | okay ]

I haven't posted in a while.
oops. :]

I've been writing a lot in my little Myspace blog though.
So if you reaallyyy want to know what's been happening...you can check that one out.

Not too much is new really.

Just same ole...boring shit.

I'm out on Summer break now.

I don't want to go back at all.

I seen Skinny Puppy in concert on the 2nd of June.
I met Nivek Ogre.
The singer. He's been my idol for as far back as I can remember.
It was the Best Night of my entire life.

I'm still with T.C.
Things are going very well.
But I never really knew how insecure I was until a couple days ago.

It's really hard for me to trust people.


Just a little update.
Drop me a comment.

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[14 Apr 2007|10:34pm]
[ mood | scared ]

i'm getting a really bad vibe...
and i think i'm over thinking things...

i don't know.
i'm really scared.

i wish i didn't have to be afraid of getting hurt.

i never used to be.

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[14 Apr 2007|10:29pm]
[ mood | angry ]

tc and i are still talking...
he calls me a lot too.
it's nice.

i got my prom dress. but i had to get it altered.
i get it back this monday.
kind of excites.

i already have shit to go with it too. so i'm pretty much done for prom.

i got put on prozac.
80mg..mlg? something like that.
realllllyyyy don't fucking like it.

but i can't just quit taking it. i'll have to do it in doses.
it makes me really fucking manic though.
pretty much a wreck.

i'm super pissed off right now.
i'd talk about it..
but i actually feel like i cant trust anyone.

haha paranoid much?
jesus christ

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forgive and forget...fuck no [28 Mar 2007|10:15pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Lol I love my Kiefer Sutherland icon. <3 hahaha.

So yeah....not a lot has changed as of late.

I DO have a prom date now. lol oh joy.
But er yeah, I ordered my prom dress from online...
So I should get it in about 2-3 weeks...
Ugh. Hopefully everything fits well.
I don't want to have to take it in and get it altered.

There's a pic of it! ^

Woot woot.

TC....him and I started talking more lately.
I guess..
I spent the night at his house on Saturday.
Nothing specially really.

I don't know.
just whatever.

I'm reeeaallllllyyyyyy starting to like this one kid...again
I've liked him for a few years now.. lol.
But errggg. I know that he's not interested in me either.
Just really sucks...
Wish he was!

I actually get nevous around this guy too.. lol.
I love that feeling...but it's also a pain in the ass at the same time.
Cause I never know what to say, and I don't want to sound like a jackass.


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that kid's killing me [07 Mar 2007|08:47pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Way to rain on my fucking parade!

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[27 Feb 2007|10:14pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I would like to go to prom this year,

But I need a date.

Wanna come with me?
It'd be funnnnnnnnnn.

I'll dress like a whore. hahaha.
No..not really...
But afterwards. ;)
just kidding again.

But I'd like a date.

You wanna go with me...

Come on!

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[10 Feb 2007|08:58am]
[ mood | melancholy ]

mm oh yes.
it hurts like hell.

needless to say, i hope it fails.

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[06 Feb 2007|02:18pm]
emmalie wants to hang out at the mall/ try on dresses today.

&&& i have the stomach flu.

oh god.

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[24 Jan 2007|10:38am]
[ mood | sad ]

I wish I could get a freaking boyfriend.


I can be a pretty cool chick. :\

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[07 Jan 2007|11:38pm]
[ mood | grumpy ]

I've been spending A LOT of time with Brittany Riddoch lately.

I've smoked pot everday now for a couple weeks.
Everday, twice a day.

I drink a lot too.

I never used to.
But I guess things change, right?

I'm starting to miss him again. I don't know why.
And it's pissing me off.

I don't talk to Dave that much anymore.
And Austin...I don't know..
We still talk, but I've been getting really mad at him lately.

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[05 Jan 2007|04:13pm]
[ mood | high ]

Since I've smoked, I have eaten:

-A bowl of fruity bebbles.
-2 pops.
-A turkey sandwhich.
-pices of cheese.

jesus christ.

I'm still hungry

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[02 Jan 2007|05:09pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

I don't miss him anymore.

I don't think I do anyway.


I don't even know why I liked him so much.

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[01 Jan 2007|06:10pm]
[ mood | envious ]

Today was pretty fun.

I hung out with Greg(ashley), Sean, Steve, and Brittany today.
We hung around Flint for a while.
Went to the Mall, Best Buy and Burger King.
It sucks, whenever I eat, I feel like I'm going to be super sick.
I havent been eating much of anything lately.

Today was fun..yet sad at the same time.
I was the only one with out a boyfriend in the group.
Brittany and Steve would run along and do their own little thing.
I tried to tag along with Greg and Sean. But they would always end up leaving me.

So, I basically stood in the stores by myself while they would go off.
I didn't have anyone to told my hand, hug me, kiss my cheek.
Nope. None of that.

I didn't like it.

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I tried to remeber to forget you, but I break down everytime I do [28 Dec 2006|11:55pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

Why'd you go and break what's already broken?
I try to take a breath but I'm already choking
How long till this goes away?

Today was by far one of the worst days I've had in a long time.

I cried. s o m u c h

I sat in my room for the majority of the day.
Listened to music and just cried.
I had to get out of the house.
So my mom and I went out to walmart and meijer.. just because.
It was fun..
But I was still crying.

Came home...sat on here. Finally got to talk to T.C.

I got to see him tonight. I haven't seen him in weeks.
I missed him more than anything.

I love how he smells
How he hugs me.
How he smiles.
His breathing relaxes me so much.
I could just fall asleep.

He drove me home. And he said that he missed me and that he was sorry about how things ended up.
I hope we can still be friends or whatever.

But I don't know. :(
I like him a lot.

He gave me another one of his jackets to wear.
It smells like cigarrets.
And I love it.

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[28 Dec 2006|01:01pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

""hey how r u ? sorry for not being able to hang out.but this is to tell u that u were right it probly isn't gonna work between us.i like u very much but i am unable to give u the attention u need.=( which sux i'm really sad right now i thought i would be able to but after hearing how dissapointed u sound yesterday killed me and i don't want to do that to you anymore and i'm sorry.i still wanna talk and be friends if u want to later""


He never did call.
like I knew he would.

I liked him so goddamn much too. :(

2 comments|post comment

[27 Dec 2006|02:53pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I called him today.
"hey, yeah...i'll call you back when I'm done showering."
bout an hour later..
"Hey...well, my cousin called and well, he needs me to babysit. And I really need the money."
"I'll call you first thing tomorrow."

I was so excited to see him
I've been looking forward all day.

I changed my clothes.
Got all dolled up.
Thought I actually looked pretty.
"well, i have to babysit."

I've had a lot of beer and vicodin.
Maybe I'm over reacting.
But i was in tears.


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[27 Dec 2006|06:04am]
I don't want today to happen.

I'm so weak.
Like I didn't realize how weak I was until last night.
I got a simple "i miss u" & a "i like u a lot"
I just c r u m b l e d.
And instantly everything was okay.
None of what happened before mattered.
All is forgiven.

But it really isn't!
I wish he wouldn't have messaged me.
I was doing fine with the whole "getting over it" stage.

Cause I knew it wasn't going to work out...
But he says he want's to try to work at it.
I don't want to work at things.
I'm tried of it.

But I do like him... that's the thing that gets me.
Also that I'm lonley has fuck. And it's always nice to have that someone there.
He's good company. Fun guy. But still.

He wants me to call him today.
I was planning on it once I was done shopping with my mom.
I don't want to call him.
I want to curl up into a ball and cry.

that's all....
about that anyway.

Austin confessed that he's "falling for me" again.
I guess I didn't say what he wanted me to...because he ended up getting mad at me.
It's so hard to believe it when he says that he "loves" me.
He's said that to so many other people.
Like other girlfriends of his.
And they were crappy & obviously they didn't work out.

I'm just way bitter towards the who situations.
Love? No...i don't believe so.
Lust? most definitaly. Which I believe is most mistaken for the feeling of "love."

Completely different, I think.

I usually write in this blog when I don't want Dave $ **** to read.
Just in case you wondered why it was so random or whatever.

The blog I mainly write in, is on my myspace.
You should check it out.
I post lots of pictures.

I accidently sneezed on my cat. And he ran away from me. :(
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[22 Dec 2006|10:42pm]
[ mood | sick ]

I keep pukeing. and it is so NOT pleasant!

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